Tag Archives: Life

New perspective

Where to start…. I think my last post (which was way too long ago) was titled ” Worst Week Ever, ” although in some ways I would like to use that title again, I can’t anymore. Why you ask? Because God has once again proven himself faithful and loving in the midst of doubt, confusion and anger.

Monday- I woke up to Aaron in the bathroom with none other than the stomach bug (which we already had during the holidays). I cried at the thought of having it again and got angry. For those of you that don’t know this… I get angry when people around me get sick, specifically my husband. I don’t get all compassionate and kind and caring, I get angry. I am angry that God “let” us get sick, I get angry at Aaron for not being healthy enough?!? This doesn’t even make sense because he is much healthier then a lot of people I know. I get angry that I might get sick and more so that Evelyn will get sick. I mean we are healthy people, we take our vitamins, probiotics and what not…but as you can guess, getting angry doesn’t help me, Aaron or Evelyn.
In the process of my anger, I have realized a few things… Anger only leads to fear and doubt. Anger entangles you in itself so deeply that you are unable to feel anything else or heal from anything else. Anger basically holds you hostage until you let go of it.

Tuesday- The day is mostly fine, then the evening roles around and I get hit, hard. I’m up till probably 3am (fortunately Aaron can sleep through anything, so he didn’t have to deal with it). I’ve thrown up maybe three times in my whole life, Tuesday was the fourth. Anyways enough of that. Next day I was feeling better, just completely wiped. Aaron went in late to school and let me rest which was an added blessing. By this time you can imagine that I am convinced Evelyn will be next… I mean come on people, I am with the child ALL day long. The anger seems to be fading away (because God finally helped me realize it was pointless and just hurting those I love) and it is a sad fallen world and there is sickness. But the anger is quickly replaced with fear and a feeling that I am fighting sickness and the whole world alone.

Wednesday- I feel much better today, just terrified that Evelyn will get this nasty, horrible thing (it was so sad when she had it before, I almost could not take it). I am constantly cleaning everything and have not let Evelyn even go back into our bedroom or bathroom for fear there might be some lingering germs. That night I have a bit of an emotional melt down. I realize Aaron is leaving the next day for a choir trip and won’t be back until Saturday night. I have convinced myself that Evelyn will get sick while I’m alone. I have completely given into fear and doubt and am questioning why I am praying for her to not get sick, because there is no reason she should not get sick. I shut down my knowledge of God and who he is and what he has done in my life. I ignore the continued times that God has taken care of me, proven himself faithful to me and rescued me. I give into lies thinking that I am by myself in this and that no one really cares… And then… God does what he is so good at, he recuses again. He speaks through people, like my husband, my parents and my friends and restores peace, hope and faith.

Thursday- Aaron heads to work, Evelyn is still happy and healthy. I have successfully used up a whole can of Lysol in 4 days… I’m starting to worry about the fumes possibly being worse than the sickness (not really). We play and watch TV all day long. Evelyn dances and makes cute faces and actually shows signs of learning how to obey. I think the biggest accomplishment of the day was when Evelyn learned how to open the doors in our house. She loves to go throw away her own diapers and so she did and opened the pantry door on the way. We have a lot of fun ahead of us… I have enjoyed being able to keep her out of certain rooms. But alas, all good things come to an end. After trying to take up the day (days are really long when entertaining a toddler, especially when it’s cold and you can’t go outside). The evening wound down nicely and perked up when one of my sweet friends (thank you Rachel!!!) brought Evelyn and I some homemade chicken and veggies (which was great). The meal hit the spot and I didn’t have to cook it 🙂 I have to remember this when I hear of other people getting sick, you always think about it when people have babies but it is so helpful when you are sick too! Evelyn went down great, after she opened and closed the pantry door about ten times. I got to chill on the couch with some kombucha and a TV show. I am still concerned about Evelyn, praying that she will not get the stomach bug BUT I am no longer fearful and I do feel peace. I am still going out to buy another can of Lysol though and will continue to spray everything down from time to time.

Lessons from this week… God is faithful, he loves us and places certain people in our lives to be a blessing and show us his love. He is not a God of fear, anger or doubt and cannot work in our hearts when these things are present. God desires to comfort us and to take our burdens upon himself but can’t if we won’t let him. God is in control of ALL things. No matter how much we think we can control, God controls more. Sometimes there are no other reasons behind something except the simple fact that God did it, God provided, God healed, God keeps you safe. God wants us to rely on him and if we can always explain why something happened, then we don’t need God.
I am realizing more and more the destruction that these negative attitudes, thoughts and sin can have in your life. I am thankful daily for forgiveness, friends and family and a God who cares about me (and who will be there for me again when I hit the same pitfalls) I hope this encourages some of you out there that might be dealing with some of the same feelings. I don’t recognize my shortcomings or negative tendencies as much as I should and I don’t give God credit as much as I should but here is a little bit of both because I can’t deny God’s work in my life. 🙂 goodnight and your prayers would be appreciated!


Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus…

let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2

It is amazing to me how much more depth something has when you know the back story, the meaning behind it or the reason it came to be. I used to think that most hymns were just stuffy old songs that repeated the same tune over and over again. I really didn’t enjoy singing them and I let the repetitive melody get in the way of the truth of the words. I didn’t really grow up with hymns and didn’t sing them very often. When Aaron and I got married we started going to a Presbyterian church, DPC in Denton. Most of the hymns we sang we had rewritten melodies. I began to look at the words and see some meaning behind them and understand the depth to which the hymns went. I am also married to a man that LOVES hymns… He owns several (like in the teens) hymnals and he still wants more of them. He is wonderful at rewriting the music to them which brings to them a fresh sound. Most hymn texts are so full of truth and meat… You could sing the same one over and over and still get new things from it.

Just recently Aaron got a book on amazon that is called “Then Sings My Soul” it is full of many different hymns and it tells their back story and who they were written by. I can honestly say that I am truly amazed by hymns and will never look at them in the same way. I also will not judge them by the music that goes with them. God’s truth is being spoken through these hymn authors and most hymns have more depth in the first line then hundreds of “new” Christian songs being written today.

I think a lot of us get caught up in how a song sounds or how it flows or if the congregation will like the bridge or not. We enjoy singing the same line over and over again until we get that “feeling” we want. We are looking for songs that promise something or that talk about “us” what we need,and want… The point of worship is glorifying God. We are telling God how much we love him, how beautiful he is and giving him that glory. We don’t do this because of what he does for us but because of who he is. He is our God, the magnificent and glorious God.

The woman that wrote this specific hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, paints a beautiful picture of worship and what it means. Helen Howarth Lemmel was born in England. She studied vocal music and married a rich European. Helen’s husband left her because she went blind. She was alone and unable to write down her music. God continued to use her even through her pain and loneliness. She wrote 500 hymns in her lifetime. She had a dear friend that would go and help her every time she had words or music in her head and write them down for her. She kept a small keyboard by her bed so that she could compose whenever she needed to. At age 55, Helen heard a statement that deeply impressed her: “So then, turn your eyes upon Him, look full into His face and you will find that the things of this earth will acquire a strange new dimness.”
I am inspired by her ability to push on and turn her eyes upon Jesus and grateful for her willingness to share the gift of words and song that God gave her. Here is the first verse and chorus of her hymn… Look up the rest of it…. Absolutely beautiful!

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the savior
And life more abundant and free.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.

– Helen Lemmel

This day we must turn our eyes to Jesus and let everything else grow dim so that we can see God in all of his fullness, so that we can glorify him for who he is. Enjoy this day that he has made and be thankful for all that he has given you.


Some questions don’t have answers

Questions, there are big questions and small questions, questions with answers and questions that linger for a life time. Sometimes I just wonder why questions don’t get answered or don’t even seem to have an answer. Last night/ early morning (5am), Aaron and I woke up to a loud knock on the door. I thought the knock was coming from my dreams but then the door bell rang as well. Aaron stumbled out of the bedroom to answer the door and all I kept thinking was, please don’t wake up my sleeping baby… And then I had a thought of panic, something must be wrong. Aaron opened the door to find a police officer on the other said and he told us that it looked like Aaron’s car had been broken into. Fortunately Aaron forgot to lock his car last night and so they didn’t break any windows or anything and fortunately we don’t keep ANYTHING valuable in our cars. The police officer said that there apparently had been several cars in the neighborhood that had been “rummaged through”. The police officer got some information from Aaron and then said they would be out looking for the person who was doing this and hopefully find him or her. We went back inside and got back in bed.
As I laid back down trying to go back to sleep, the thoughts began, most of them not having answers. Why didn’t this person try to break into our house, why do people steal at all, should I be worried that someone might try to break into my house? Then I starting thinking, what would I do if someone broke into our house… I do know that if someone did break in, they wouldn’t get very far before I would wake up because I hear EVERYTHING.
We recently had some friends from our church dealing with some strange noises in their house, coming from their heater. They repeatedly told the land lord about them but he did nothing. One night they decided to go stay elsewhere because the noises were worrying them… Listen to the still small voice inside, we have the Holy Spirit for a reason. The next day their house burned down and most of their stuff was gone. Again the questions come up… Why did this happen to them? They are good godly people they love The Lord… Why would this happen? Why were their lives spared? How will they function without all of their stuff? What if that happened to us, what would we do… Would we be able to function and rest in God’s peace even though all of our worldly possessions were gone?
Even though I have all of these questions, most of them not having an answer… I do know that God sees the big picture, that he loves us deeper than we could even imagine and despite what we see in front of our faces, despite how hard our days are or how lonely our nights are or despite the things we can’t control and the questions we can’t answer… God is right with us, he knows EVERY feeling we have felt… He knows right where we are and can comfort us and bring us peace through anything we might encounter. Take courage in whatever questions you might have, big or small, God is in the midst of them and sees the big picture!
On a brighter note… And if you didn’t read my post from yesterday… My little girl did not want any oatmeal or yogurt or really anything I offered her, today she ate oatmeal, yogurt and an egg! Go girl! Well I think this is the end of my thoughts for right now, thanks for listening. And take heart!

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Finding patience

Today 1/9/2013

Ever have one of those mornings where you haven’t even finished your first cup of coffee and you already want another one? This is one of those mornings. I kind of feel bad complaining at all because I know that overall my life is very easy and blessed but everyone one has buttons and buttons get pushed no matter who you are. Can I just say that I love my little girl, she is sweet and cute and becoming more interactive with each day. She is walking everywhere and trying to say a million things (that we can’t quite make out yet). She loves exploring and never stops playing. She also has become very picky about breakfast.
Yesterday I was so excited because I went to the store and bought a lot of new things for Evelyn to try. She has been on an oatmeal kick lately but two mornings ago she decided she no longer wanted it. So I googled toddler food ideas and set to work on finding something she did want for breakfast. At the store I bought plain yogurt and fruit, I also bought these yummy looking organic honey nut oats. So this morning I sat down and attempted to give her yogurt and she wouldn’t even let it touch her lips, she turns her head in a dramatic fashion to the side and makes a displeased grunt. Finally I got her to taste some, still no luck, until mommy ate some then she wanted some. BUT when offered again, she refused. So I pulled out the honey nut Cheerios, thinking for sure this would be a hit… Folks, she ate one and threw the rest on the floor. I then listened to her cry and moan while I looked for something else to feed her.
I know what you are all thinking at this point, why would I let her control me like this, just make her eat what I give her and don’t give her so many choices but for a mother trying to cut down on nursing and about to put her baby down for a nap, I would do anything to fill her belly. And for the most part she isn’t a picky eater, just breakfast. So I pull out the skillet and make an egg (which she likes sometimes) as soon as I give her the egg she double fists it into her mouth as fast as she can until it is gone… Eggs, the new breakfast food, for now. With toddlers you never know, I don’t think they know half the time. Currently she is having a ball getting into the cabinet…

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God is always teaching me something, either through marriage (showing me how selfish I am) or through motherhood (showing me how selfish I am) or through other relationships (showing me how selfish I am) …. Hmmm I just know that I have a lot to learn and am humbled by life everyday. Sometimes I think the desire is to get down hearted and feel overwhelmed but then I remember God’s wonderful promises in his word… He promises to not give us more than we can handle and always be here for us. No matter how “good” we are, we can’t earn his love and that is a comforting thought. So I go through each moment trying to remember God’s sacrifices for me and being thankful that I have the opportunity to be a wife to my wonderful husband and I get the chance to be a mother to my adorable, beautiful (sometimes picky) little daughter… All of which I would never trade nor give up. Cherish your loved ones, your life and remember that God is behind you all the way.


Morning and Evening

This morning Charles Spurgeon reminds us that “some Christians are for living ON Christ, but are not so anxious to live FOR Christ.” This hits me in a deep way because it is going past a surface relationship with Christ and suggesting that this is not enough. It is not enough to simply meet with God to get strength from him but you must use that strength for his glory. If we ask for provisions and patience we must not keep those things to ourselves but give them out. Asking is not what keeps us close to God… It is what we do with what we ask.

Today is Friday and I am tired. I realized last night that Aaron is tired too… I am not the only one who is tired at the end of the day. I also realized that I have an expectation for him to be happy and peppy and to get me into a good mood when he comes home. Perhaps I am the one who should be striving to support him and help him into a good mood. It is so easy to be selfish when you are tired and worn out. It is so easy to think about what you want and need and not even look at the other person. I forget that when I come out of my selfishness shell and care about someone else, I forget about my own tiredness (for at least a little while). I know all of you are probably tired at the end of the day but just remember that the person next to you is probably tired too and it might help if you focus on their day instead of your own.

Happy weekend and happy cold front!!!

P.S. this weekend or actually Monday October 8th is my sweet, handsome, hunk of a man’s birthday…. He is turning 27. Happy early birthday and I love you so much and would very lost without you!

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A Very Wet Weekend!

Well I think this weekend was the busiest and least restful weekend we have ever had. My weekend started on Thursday because little Camilla wasn’t feeling well and so Kendra stayed home to comfort her as only mommies can. My Thursday went by super fast with just Evelyn and I stayed super busy. Lately Evelyn has decided to sleep until 8- 8:30 in the morning (going to bed at 7:15ish) which I am fine with except… Her afternoon naps are shorter… So you either get one or the other. Don’t get me wrong, I love her awake, playing time so much but that is all that is accomplished… But this is motherhood, right folks? I love being a mom so much and wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Anywho… Friday rolls around and it is Fair day at Ovilla Christian school which means Aaron is off. Got to love those school holidays! So we took advantage of having a lazy morning and I fixed a hot breakfast (which doesn’t happen very often these days). Aaron and I worked around the house and got some stuff done which is always nice. THEN… Friday night Aaron and I got to go on a date to Shakespeare In The Park and it was really fun. Iris and Richie were sweet enough to watch our little munchkin so we could get out alone. We got to have dinner at Applebee’s (two entrees for $20, great deal) and then we went to watch Macbeth in the park. The play started a bit late and so when 11pm rolled around we left a little early. We did get to see most of the play and we had great seats.

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Saturday… We decided to make this our fair day, really bad idea. We both knew that there was a 80-100% chance of rain and yet we still decided to go, with a baby, and only one umbrella. We really wanted to go because it was the only day that my brother and sister-in-law could go. So we went and it was raining and raining and raining. The rain never stopped. We should have guessed by the looks of things and (hmmmmm) the weather report 🙂

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Anyways… Believe it or not we still had fun. We saw a dog show, had some great fair food and we even got to take Evelyn to see all the animals (she loved it) which I will post more pictures of soon. We even sat in on a blender demonstration with the Dodds and got free smoothie samples! By the end of the day we were sopping wet, Evelyn was really tired and so were we for that matter. We couldn’t stop though, we had a birthday party to get to (Richie Harp “grandad” turned 60). We stopped and got a much needed In N Out burger and headed to the party…Iris did a great job and I think Richie was kinda surprised 🙂
By Sunday… Well we had a very tired baby (no naps and staying up late) but we had an ordination to get to. Our dear friend Matt Odum was getting ordained in Denton (our home a couple months ago) *tear*. Sunday morning we went to Denton Pres and got to see old friends and enjoy church. By the end of church, Evelyn was melting down, she needed a nap but Aaron and I had to eat and so for the first time since she was a little bitty girl, she fell asleep on me in the restaurant and stayed there the whole time (while I attempted to eat my salad left handed, I only spilled a little bit).

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Then before the ordination Aaron really needed a haircut and so we were able to drop by Katie and Lou Korom’s house. Aaron got a hair cut and we got some play time with Nola, they had fun together!

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After that, we headed to Nana and Pops so that I could finish baking some stuff before the evening and Evelyn got to hangout with Nana for a couple hours. Evelyn has a blast with Nana 🙂 once again on the road, we made it to the church and Evelyn lost it… So sleepy. She took a little cat nap in the car before the service and that helped to get her though, I went and got a Starbucks to get me through. The service was wonderful and Matt is now ordained! Very exciting. Evelyn played hard with her friends Nola and Ava and ate lots of carrots and other food. Then we drove home and Evelyn had another late night but…. She made up for it this morning by sleeping until 9:15am and then taking a 3 hour nap and then going to bed at 7:15pm, all I can say is she better be rested tomorrow! I on the other hand am still awake but I should be in my bed asleep… But come on people, this is the only time I have to blog and I should be working on my etsy inventory! Always so much to do.
Alrighty, bed time!
P.S. can I just say how I am loving the weather and can’t WAIT for the first real cold snap (should be this weekend)…. Yay fall!

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Thought for the day

“My hope lives not because I am not a sinner, but because I am a sinner for who Christ died; my trust is not that I am holy, but that being unholy, he is my righteousness. My faith rests not upon what I am, or shall be, or feel, or know, but in what Christ is, what he has done, and what he is now doing for me.” – Charles Spurgeon

This quote hit me very hard this morning. I realized that my faith is mostly built on what I think I am, what I think I am going to be, how I feel at the moment and what I think I know. I would like to believe that I am not run by my feelings, but I am. Everyday I am faced with a choice of giving into those feelings or going with what I know to be the only real truth; God is good and he is never going to change. This is my prayer for myself and those around me, that our faith would be based on God and who he is and nothing more.